Have you ever experienced that? Have you felt the relief pour over you when someone forgives you? Has anyone cut you slack when you didn't deserve it?
Mike and I are so grateful for each other. Our anniversary is this week and we are privileged to have the blessing of going through life together.
But it wasn't always this way.
Back when the kids were little, we had lost our feeling for one another. Differing expectations were a huge thud of a speedbump that seemed impassable. We were eating one another alive with arguments that repeated like Groundhog Day...before retreating to our corners.
I remember what true despair felt like. We neither wanted a divorce, but both felt hopeless and clueless about how to fix things. We were very new in our faith, and someone recommended a Christian counselor. There were two times during those sessions that I will never forget because it felt like the clock just froze.
In one of the frozen moments, I was prattling on about how I was not being listened to and how right I was. The counselor asked "Susan, do you want to be right or get better?" Yes, that went straight to its target. Still does.
Another time paralysis had to do with my bossiness and Mike's time away from our family. The counselor told Mike I had become his "holy spirit". It was true that my specialty was guilt ladling. Mike was sent home with the assignment of listening to what the Lord would have him do about his time-consuming hobby.
At the next session, when Mike was asked "What did the Lord say? Did He ask you to give up hunting?"...it was an E.F. Hutton moment. The counselor and I swiveled in our chairs for his answer. Slowly, Mike responded that he was willing to give it all up, but he didn't think he was being asked to quit.
At that point, I could either trust God was speaking to my husband and my husband has hearing correctly...or I could bow up. That was the first time I can REALLY remember leaning back into God's control and letting go of my grip. Immediately, the little voice chided "Sure he would say that! What a fool you would be to believe it!" What an irritating little accuser-voice.
That decision to choose to believe God was at work on behalf of the both of us was essential. My steerage of the family was not honoring to God's design any more than Mike's abdication of his headship. We both saw that clearly and our forgiveness of one another came quickly.
Even though forgiveness was quick, it still took time to plow through old habits. But now we could be THANKFUL that there was a plan for relationships that WORKED and a power source to work the plan. Who knew the Bible had marriage principles? In Jeremiah it says that the Author of that plan works it for our good to give us a hope. We say YES to that.
Here we are with forty-three years under our belt. At night when we hold hands and talk to the One who saved us (both spiritually and relationally) the past has no hold over us. Mike hunts (abeit less) and I'm glad to be his earthly first place...so I gladly pack his lunch and enjoy my time.
We've found our retirement years to be full of the space of grace.
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