In this "perfecting" process called marriage, Mike and I have had thirty-eight years of trial and error. We are worlds away from our oblivious beginnings in 1970, but still things can sneak up on your blind side. Mike has a personality whose comfort zone is in doing just the right thing. When occasions are coming up (like Valentines) he starts getting uneasy. My personality leans more toward the creative side, and with a dose of empathy. So usually when I see his angst, we have a conversation about how I don't like to have to do something just because Hallmark declared a special day to act a certain way. Then we trade cards and go out to eat.
But it wasn't always that easy...
When the kids were in junior high/high school, Mike was bringing home a rose in a bud vase at Valentines. Now you may be thinking...that's good...he remembered. Doesn't he get points for that? Yes, but there's always a story and here's the rose story:
Mike's mother liked roses; I'm the wildflower type. So I coasted a couple of years and then I was goofed enough to tell him that I really didn't so much LIKE roses. That took a lot of energy from my harmonizer side, but I thought it was worth it to get things straight.
The next Valentine's, I got three roses in a bud vase. I flounced off to the bathroom, slammed the door and burst into tears, then pulled the heads off of each rose. That felt good...but so much for "love is not touchy or resentful". Mike was clueless, but desperate to figure out what had set me off. Don't women like it when you give them flowers?
Well, this woman likes it when her husband listens. And I count it important that Mike thinks of who I am and what would please me...not just check off the "to do" list with an oft-repeated and automatic gesture.
The Cruses have lived through probably fifteen Valentine days since that bumpy one. I can still tell that Mike dreads thinking something up. And this year was more complicated because I'm on Weight Watchers, so chocolate wouldn't be helpful. I've found that loving your man is loving who he is and speaking your needs. So I said..."what I'd like more than anything would be for you to sit down and write me a letter about why you love me."
Best Valentine's EVER!
"Love is patient, love is kind...love is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it pays no attention to a suffered wrong...love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person...love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13
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